In Heaven
Even in heaven we may not find a haven. For even there you find the very things you need to escape from. Though in my early years may I have realized. Or may I just have needed a comfort away from comfort. I created place. I found a place. I found, created solitude. In a cave. In a palace. In a world unknown to so many. In a world where no one sets expectations. In a place where I can be me. Even if through times I don't know who me is.
My wings yearn and ache to come out. To taste the air. If for one last time. If for one more time. I let them free. For I cannot own what I already own. I might not find peace in this journey. I have time to set my mind. Yet not set a goal. I could see a glimpse of 20 years forward, yet it does not mean I know when it is to come or what is to cause it. And I might. Though consequences be dire.
I sit for I have run a thousand miles, heard a thousand things, witnessed a million things, yet no one has offered me a seat that won't leave me tied for eternity. I have no goal. I have a plan. It might be to live. It might be to love. It just might be to give up. My body has tired from the journey I had promised to take. The one I promised I would see through. Oh what hurt it has caused.
"And I remain right to your whereabouts."
"Aliana. Only you would know a secret."
"That's because I know where to find them. What exactly are you doing here at this godly hour. Didn't already pay us a visit? Something is wrong isn't there?" She sits in front of me. Legs crossed with her attention on the teacher. Ready for whatever story comes. Good or bad.
"I don't know. That might be the real problem. Everything is out of control and wrong these days. No matter where I turn it seems it's all wrong. Mocking."
"Is this because of William?"
"What do you take me for? A love sick angel?"
"Sometimes I don't even know you anymore." She stares at me and shakes her head. As if knowing I might take that the wrong way.
"What do you mean? I haven't changed. Not anymore that you don't know anyway." To be true. I was hurt. It was not my fault I wasn't able to be there all the time. We were closer than Lily and her friends had been.
"That might be the problem. The Rose I used to know would change most of the time. Even she would change her appearance," her eyes were no longer focused. They stopped at a color as if not with me anymore. As if remembering better times.
"She loved to fool people. She was lively. Would want to fit the times. Would even create her own time. She could cheer up the room. But ever since she took that assignment, she changed. She was stuck."
"I had no choice."
'Yes you did. He said think about it. Father made you promise you wouldn't die because of it. You broke your promise. No one ever begged you to take the job. You made a promise to me. You still broke it. You promised to keep it. You didn't. No one ever said you couldn't love. No one ever said you couldn't let it still happen. No one ever begged, or said you should do any of these things Rose. Yet you did them. So you had a choice. No one killed you but your self Rose. No one walked in your shoes except for whom you let. You're powerful. Use the power."
I stared at her. I was hurt, ashamed and angry at what she said. Angry at me mostly. I remember those times. I never begged to forget. I never wanted to forget. I vaguely remember the promise I made father.
* * *
"I want you to make me a promise Rose."
I nodded. Though I was hardly listening. I was filled with thrill of what I was about to do. It may be a on and off thing but I still couldn't believe it. I never dreamed of this, though I had heard of it. It's supposed to be one of the biggest roles yet.
Father laid a shining hand on my shoulder.
"Be careful, my daughter. Do not lose yourself. Don't kill the spirit we know. Things change. You have my permission to live."
* * *
"You don't hate me?"
"Why would I? You're the only person to tell me the truth."
"Good. For a second I thought you were going to blast me. So you do have father's permission to do what I'm thinking, right?"
"I'm sure so. He did say I had the permission too live. I also promise to keep my promise." I held out my pinkie.
Aliana stared at it. "It might not be the most modern thing, but I am not giving up blood for this."
"Welcome back Rose," she said before offering her pinkie.
No comments:
Post a Comment